Broken; 29. I spent so much of my time snapping at myself for thinking in that direction, I vowed to myself I'd never turn back. That I'd leave it behind me forever, a bad habit to be never caught up with again. The last times, I did it for them. So they'd forever be part of me, ink and blood were long. I did it so I felt I was true to them, but looking back now, of course I wasn't. One for my mom, dad, brother, friends. Another time for someone I thought was worth it. That's 5. I matured, I realized it was stupid and pointless. Haha. This time around.. it's not for them, but because of them. A part of it, anger towards them. Another, sorry for the pain I'm causing. Does anyone understand? .. I don't expect you to. Another rule broken.
Up;; Redbull. How childish, right? You can call me soft, but redbull gives me energy. It makes me excited, energized, I could tell my mind popping with ideas, my voice squeeky. I love it. I want it. I forgot about thinking, my body just wanted to move and move. "Redbull gives you wings!" It didn't for me, but it gave me an escape.
Inside;; My parents pretend nothing happened last night. I hate this, I hate this I hate this. I hate people who can leave it behind oh so easily. Maybe I'm overreacting, maybe I'm being a drama queen about it. But when people get hurt, sorry I can't fucking forget about it as easily. My arm hurts, my head hurts from the redbull, my stomach is empty. Jeez. I want one fucking moment at peace.