i've been sitting here..and not thinking about others. this is just how i am. i always make it about myself, and not even consider how others are feeling. i always claim to be the most caring, trusting, friend anyone could have because i put others before me, but it's bullshit. queen of superficial. don't even lie, people. when you needed someone the most, can you say i was there to help you? maybe once upon a time. lately? that's not how i promised a friend to be. i told you i'd be there whenever you need, i'll be with you through whatever. lol. well if you put it that way. . haha. i will be. as long as you want me to, i'll never leave your side as a friend. where am i going with this? i'm trying to make a part 2 and it's going basically nowhere. just like my life. rofl. i just feel. like it's the end. i don't know why.. i had so many plans for myself, and now i don't give two cents if they work out or not . where has my motivation gone.. ? queen of superficial. teachers, classmates, friends, principals saw my fake side. was it fake? i don't even know myself. i have doubts because i tried so hard, but now.. i don't. what does that mean? why can't anyone give me answers but myself? it's always about you, isn't it michele? you only have yourself to blame. and it's about me again! how .. surprising. but it's true. you drove yourself into this. you made yourself believe you only have yourself, you only got yourself to hold you up, you only got yourself in life. and now as soon as people enter my life, you push them out because you're not used to it, you don't want it, you think you don't need it. maybe that's why my last relationship failed. i made it all about myself, and didn't give enough attention to him, who needed me most. and when he came to his senses, he let it drop and i made it about myself. again. people are always out after you, aren't they michele. they're never there, they don't care, they're all fake. really? can you seriously, truly say that? you've met some of the best people in life, you know you wouldn't have the same people in a million years, and you're letting it go. i'm trying so hard to become who i was, and i'm not paying attention to the people who are trying so hard to stay in my life. i don't know. i don't know where i'm going with this. i could. i could ask for my life back, i could still be what i am now tied to what i want. what i was..the strong, independent girl.. that's who i felt the real me. i don't know if it's just summer, and i don't have much to do, but i'm slipping. hard and fast. my parents can't look me in the eye, my friends never see me with them, my cousins don't see my fake smile, my girls are never. there for me, my homies .. at least i could always count on them. and the one person. feels .. worse than me. again.. this is all about you, michele . at the same time, it's my blog. my words. my feelings. i go to work to get my mind off things, except i'm piled with 100x more. i try to write, but my hands hurt. i try to come up with words, but they retaliate. i try to read, but my eyes won't follow the letters. blasting music is like..the only remedy. this isn't the time to talk about music. back on topic. *zip. what do you want, michele? why is it so hard to say. why is it so hard for you to open up, let the walls down? it's because even if i do, there's nothing to say. i'm wordless. heartless.